How to Meet the Need for Affection

Affection is something that's learned. Some men and women who were raised in families that did not show affection are taught how to show affection by their girlfriends or wives. But other men have never been taught.

You apparently received the affection you needed from your lover. It was your friend's affection that met your need. Your husband can learn to say and do many of the same things, and mean it.

Here are the list of things to do every day:

1. Hug and kiss your wife and tell her you love her every morning while you're still in bed. Rub her back for a few minutes before you get up.
2. Tell her that you love her while you are having breakfast together.
3. Kiss her and tell her you love her before you leave for work.
4. Call her during the day to ask how she is doing and that you love her.
5. After work, call her before you leave to tell her when you will be home, and tell her you love her.
6. Buy her flowers on the way home at least once a week, with a card that tells her you love her.
7. When you arrive home from work, give her a big hug and kiss and spend a few minutes talking to her about how her day went. Don't do anything else before you have given her your undivided attention.
8. Tell her that you love her as you are having dinner together.
9. Help her clear off the table and wash and dry the dishes with her, giving her a hug and kiss at least once, and tell her that you love her.
10. Hug and kiss her and tell her you love her in bed before you both go to sleep.

Wives will often complain that it's not real affection because it doesn't come from the heart. If their husbands have to be told what to do, they're not really being affectionate. But this exercise in affection is not fake. It is real. Their husbands really do love them and whenever they express that love, it is real. The problem is that they have not learned to express how they really feel.

When your husband says that you do not accept the things he does for you, you should explain that you don't need the things he does nearly as much as you need things he isn't doing. You cannot appreciate things you don't need, it's only what you need that you appreciate.

He really does want to meet your needs, but hasn't learned how to do it. It probably makes him frustrated to think how much he cares about you, but has not been able to show it.

The bottom line is that you have an emotional need for affection and your husband can learn to meet it. As soon as he becomes an expert at meeting this need, your temptation to find someone else to meet that need will disappear and your marriage will be just what you wanted.

What to Do When Your Conversation Becomes Boring and Unpleasant ( Part 2 )

The Enemies of Good Conversation

The conversation you and your wife once shared was enjoyable for both of you. You looked forward to talking to each other. But lately, it's not at all pleasant. In fact, it's something you often do out of duty rather than choice. That's because you have developed habits that make your conversations unpleasant. I call those habits Enemies of Good Conversation.

The First Enemy of Good Conversation is using conversation to force agreement to your way of thinking. It's okay to negotiate with your spouse, but it's not okay to be disrespectful. Negotiation should start with a problem and end with a mutually acceptable way to solve it. When disrespect enters the picture, you not only fail to solve the problem, you leave with hurt feelings.

If you are thinking, "I'm right and you're wrong," watch out! You are just an utterance away from disaster. The Love Buster, disrespectful judgments, will not straighten your spouse out, as you hope. Instead, it will drive your spouse away from you. At first, you will develop emotional distance with your tactics, as your superficial conversation demonstrates. But eventually it will lead to physical distance -- separation or divorce.

Instead of trying to force agreement to your way of thinking, discuss your differing perspectives with respect. Your spouse's point of view is worth considering. After you fully understand it, you may be persuaded to her way of thinking.

Quite frankly, couples are easily influenced by each other when they are respectful. Their joint wisdom is more profound than the wisdom of either of them separately, and they know that. But that wisdom is uncovered only through respectful persuasion, never through disrespectful judgments.

The Second Enemy of Good Conversation is dwelling on mistakes, past or present.

One of our important emotional needs is admiration. So whenever you remind your wife of achievements of her past or present, you deposit love units because she needs to be admired.

But when you remind her of her failures, you do the opposite. You undermine her confidence and self-esteem, and withdraw love units.

Criticism is painful in marriage because we need admiration so much. We want our spouses to be the most encouraging person we know, one who constantly reminds us of our strengths. We certainly don't want to be discouraged by being reminded of our weaknesses, particularly if it comes from our spouse.

In an intimate relationship we give the keys to our inner self to someone else so that person can be in a position to meet our emotional needs. Intimacy magnifies the pleasure we receive when our needs are met. But it also makes us vulnerable. The pain of criticism is magnified in an intimate relationship. Unprotected, we expose the china closet of our feelings. If the person is critical of us, they are like the proverbial "bull in a china closet." One romp through our inner self and we are not so quick to invite the bull back again.

Criticism now and then is bad enough, but spouses often get into the habit of dwelling on mistakes. These mistakes are mentioned repeatedly in an effort to make sure that the mistake is understood and corrected. But that's not how mistakes are understood or corrected. All this does is magnify the pain until conversation is too unpleasant to continue. Then hope of respectful negotiation is lost.

In your letter, you say that you and your spouse say the same things again and again. You may be referring to this enemy, dwelling on past mistakes. You may find yourselves repeating these criticisms because this enemy dominates your conversation. If that's the case, see it for the enemy it is. As long as you tolerate dwelling on mistakes, you cannot expect to meet each other's needs for conversation. You may withdraw so many love units that it ruins your love for each other.

The Third Enemy of Good Conversation is using conversation to punish each other. When you use words to punish your spouse, you are being abusive. Verbal abuse can be as harmful as physical abuse. When you hurl insults at your wife, you are trying to withdraw love units. You want her to feel bad. When conversation is used to punish her, you have entered a period of emotional divorce, where all hope of reconciliation is gone. All you care about is balancing the books -- repaying her for the pain you felt over something she did to you.

After all I've said about being sensitive, it seems as if this enemy of good conversation shouldn't be a problem. But, for many couples, it is. In spite of all of their efforts to be respectful, and avoid criticism, they blow it all by saying some of the most hurtful things to each other when they lose their tempers. It sure does ruin intimate conversation, and often leaves couples talking about not much more than the weather.

I would imagine that you and your wife have engaged in at least one of these three enemies of good conversation, and perhaps, all of them. That indulgence has not only left you with a history of unpleasant conversation, but it also may have prevented you from using some of the friends of good conversation. For example, if you are disrespectful, critical or verbally abusive, it's almost impossible to "investigate, inform and understand" your spouse. She will keep her thoughts to herself to prevent your from hurting her with your enemies of conversation.

Trust is essential for intimate conversation. If your wife thinks that you might use her personal revelations against her when an enemy of conversation has taken control of you, her lack of trust will prevent her from revealing her innermost thoughts.

On the other hand, if she knows you will guard her private thoughts and protect them from your criticism, she will be more likely to reveal them.

Enemies of good conversation often prevent implementation of the friends of good conversation. I suggest you focus on ridding your conversation of the enemies first. There's no point in introducing a friend of conversation when you haven't yet learned to be respectful. But then, after the enemies are rooted out, you will find that the friends make your conversation downright fascinating. Instead of being boring and unpleasant, your conversation will encourage you to spend hours together, creating the kind of intimacy that you need to have a fulfilling marriage.

Take pride in this effort. Become a professional at being the kind of conversationalist who meets your spouse's need in a far better way than anyone else could. It will encourage your spouse to develop the same skill in meeting your need. Then neither of you will ever feel like every conversation is like every other one you've had -- boring and unpleasant. Instead, each conversation will give you a little better understanding of each other, and bring you closer together.

What to Do When Your Conversation Becomes Boring and Unpleasant (Part 1 )

Introduction: Conversation is not just a means to an end, it is also the end itself. What I mean by that is that conversation in marriage does more than help us communicate and solve problems, it also meets one of our most important emotional needs -- the need to talk to someone. When you learn to meet that need for your spouse, it can deposit more love units than anything else you do.

The way you talk to each other is very important. Even if your spouse has a need for conversation, you can talk your way into Love Bank withdrawals very easily. And when conversation suffers, the solution to all other problems are bound to suffer.

The Friends of Good Conversation

Remember how it used to be? You and your wife used to be fascinated with each other. You would support and encourage each other. Empathy and understanding were almost effortless. You had many common interests to talk about. Somehow, you need to resurrect the kindness, consideration, empathy and interest you once shared in your conversations with each other.

Once you can talk to each other like that again, you will be meeting one of each other's most important emotional needs: The need for conversation. And if you can learn to do it well, you will deposit so many love units that you will become irresistible to each other again.

There are ways to make your conversation great. Let us call these the Friends of Good Conversation. If you incorporate these friends into the conversation you have with your spouse, you will get out of your rut. The first Friend of Good Conversation is using conversation to investigate, inform and understand your spouse. You and your spouse have not begun to exhaust all there is to know about each other. But, for some reason, you have stopped investigating. Your conversation has become predictable and uninteresting as a result.

I suggest that you investigate the facts of each other's personal histories, present experiences and plans for the future. Also investigate each other's attitudes and emotional reactions to those facts. You are bound to each other, through marriage, in a partnership that requires you to navigate through life with skill and coordination. Without conversation you will have neither, and your marriage may crash.

Why investigate? Why not just inform? Well, most of us don't just offer personal information about our deepest feelings. Someone must show an interest first. If you don't investigate with a genuine curiosity, your spouse is unlikely to share those feelings with you. Your curiosity about your spouse's thoughts and feelings is essential to her revealing them to you.

But curiosity is not all that's required. Trust is also essential. Your spouse must trust you with her personal feelings before she will expose them to you. I'll talk about building trust a little later when I get to the Enemies of Good Conversation.

Once personal information is requested, you should both inform each other of the facts of your personal histories, present experiences, plans for the future, and your attitudes and emotional reactions to all of those facts. To withhold accurate information about your inner self prevents intimacy and leaves the need for meaningful conversation unmet.

After you have investigated and informed each other of personal activities and feelings, you are in a position to understand each other. What motivates you and your spouse to do what you both do? What are your rewards, and what do you find punishing? What are your beliefs, and how are they put into practice? What are your most common positive and negative emotional reactions? What are your strengths and weaknesses? The list goes on and on. There is so much to know about each other, you will never get to know it all.

By reaching an understanding of each other, your conversation will break through the superficiality barrier. You become emotionally connected to each other, and able to bring out each other's best feelings, and avoid the worst. "Hidden agendas" are not possible because neither of you hide anything from each other.

The Second Friend of Good Conversation is developing interest in each other's favorite topics of conversation. Topics drive most conversations. We usually talk about something and this something keeps your conversation going. But we all like to talk about some topics more than others.

When you were dating, you probably tried to discover your wife's favorite topics of conversation, and she tried to discover yours. Then, you probably developed an interest in those topics so that your conversation would be more enjoyable.

Interests will change. Topics that may have interested your spouse when you were younger may have lost their attraction. Topics that were once completely boring, you may now find fascinating. Besides, you are encountering new topics almost every day.

You may have had compatible interests when you were first married, but have you kept up with each other's changing interests? Once you may have been able to talk for hours about mutual interests, now you may find yourselves struggling to find anything you have in common.

If that's the case, you must return to the mind-set you had when you were dating. In those days, you made an effort to talk about topics that your spouse found interesting, because you knew it would deposit love units. To make the conversation more interesting, you may have spent some time educating yourself on those topics. What may have started as an effort to be loved, may have turned into a genuine curiosity about subjects that interested your spouse.

I suggest that you make a mental note of subjects that interest your wife today, and educate yourself about those subjects. The same thing goes for your spouse, too. She should try to develop an understanding of some of your favorite topics of conversation.

What if both of you try to educate yourselves in each other's interests, and still find yourselves bored with certain subjects? There's no point in faking an interest in something that is truly boring to one of you, and there are literally hundreds of subjects that both of you will find interesting. So I suggest that after an initial effort, you abandon subjects that you do not find mutually interesting. The Policy of Joint Agreement can help you create an inventory of subjects that you both enjoy discussing (never talk about a subject without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse)

The Third Friend of Good Conversation is balancing the conversation. Conversation is a two-way street. But if you try to turn it into a one-way road, it becomes a speech. Conversation is meant to be interactive.

There are important rules of conversational etiquette that must be followed when you talk to each other. Don't interrupt or try talking over each other. Make sure that you both have a chance to finish a thought before the other person responds. If you notice that one of you is talking more than the other, the more talkative spouse should pause to give the less talkative spouse a chance to talk more.

Balancing the conversation simply refers to the importance of equal participation from each of you. Any effort you make to insure balance will make the conversation much more enjoyable, and more interesting.

The Fourth Friend of Good Conversation is giving each other undivided attention. Some people feel that they can do several things at once, so while talking to their spouse, they try to do something else, too. But you can't have an intimate conversation when you divide your attention. It leaves your wife feeling that she is not important enough for your full attention, or that other tasks are more important than she is.

If you find it difficult to talk to your spouse with your undivided attention, it could be that you have allowed competing activities (like television) to ruin your opportunity to deposit love units. There's nothing quite as frustrating as trying to talk to a spouse whose mind is somewhere else.

Couples must schedule time to give each other their undivided attention. If it's not on your schedule, you're not likely to do it. You will talk to each other on the fly, instead. And that doesn't deposit love units.

During courtship, I estimate that it takes about 15 hours a week of undivided attention for a couple to deposit enough love units to fall in love. Think back on your courtship. Without that amount of time for intimate conversation, I don't think you would have married.

But I bet you are not spending that kind of time now. In fact, it may only be about 15 minutes a week. How sad. I suggest that you correct the situation right now. Begin by working out a schedule with your wife so that you will have 15 hours of undivided attention from each other every week. The fifteen hours should include conversation, but it can meet other important emotional needs, too -- affection, sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship.

Happy Couples: What It Takes to Be One

The sight of a couple sharing a joke and walking hand in hand, their faces lined with wrinkles, and their hair gray, begs the question: How did they remain a happy couple for so many years?

Three important ingredients of happy couples:

Happy Couples: Developing Healthy Habits

* Avoid blowouts.

"The first is to learn to talk without fighting about inevitable conflicts,"Making a concerted effort to see the other person’s perspective, and avoiding the blame game of "she said" or "he did," goes a long way.

When things appear to be hedging toward a blowout,Take a "time out." It’s a tactic calls “exiting out of destructive fighting.”

* Recall the positive.

As parents often ask a child stewing in the time-out corner what she could have done differently, Couples in conflict take time to consider what brought them together in the first place. Then, make room for those factors in your life again. “You’ve got to protect and preserve those positive connections -- the friendship, the fun,” These are aspects of marriage that happy couples keep intact.

* Look to the future.

While turning the clock back can help couples rekindle lost connections, Simultaneously look forward. “You’ve got to have a long-term vision of the future, shared dreams, and plans that represent a commitment to one another and your family.

Happy Couples: Addressing a Sexless Marriage

That future, according to most marriage experts, should include a healthy sex life. While sex isn’t everything to happy couples, sexual problems can lead to marital discord. That men and women tend to have different ideas about sex doesn’t help matters.

“Generally speaking, women tend to see sexuality as part of a larger construct. Men are exactly the opposite,” “Women have to be in the mood. Men have to be in the room.”

Many times, misunderstandings over these differences lead to a break down in a healthy sexual relationship within a marriage, even among happy couples. The result, is a sexless marriage.

* Adopt a business approach to improve sex.

Seeing things from a business-like perspective helps couples reframe their sexual relationship.‘If this were a business, would you let it flounder like this?

Presenting sex in this light makes problems, and solutions, more concrete for couples. “By likening it [marriage] to a business mode -- with shared goals and missions; responsibilities, assets, and liabilities; and frequent business meetings -- things shift,”

* Make honest assertions.

To salvage their sex lives, some couples need to dig deeper. “Often, sex wasn’t good in the first place. A big complaint for women is that foreplay is bad or nonexistent,”But this isn’t easy for anyone to admit.Some couples simply aren’t prepared to tell, or hear, the truth. “A lot of couples fall out of it.

Happy Couples: Learning Financial Savvy

The topic of family finances is another hot-button topic, even for happy couples.

* Delegate the task of budget balancer.

Experts observe that most happy couples recognize that handling household finances should remain a singular task.

* Start an emergency fund.

Couples should plan for financial emergencies. This helps diffuse any potential blowups, such as who will sacrifice personal spending money when urgent house repairs must be funded.

When Your Sex Drives Don't Match

Sex is an extremely important part of marriage. When it's good, it offers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy, and a sense of partnership.

If you're the spouse whose libido is lacking, remember that your most powerful sexual organ is your brain; in order to feel more sexual, you first have to decide that a loving, satisfying sex life and marriage are important. Then commit to finding your untapped sexuality within.

If you're the spouse with greater sexual energy, you'll need to approach your partner with greater understanding and compassion, which will improve communication, compromise, and acceptance.

Here are tips for both types of spouses in your search for solutions:

Tips for the low-desire spouse

Everyone, even highly sexed people, experiences occasional lows in their sex drive. But what if your libido is nowhere to be found?

Two conditions should prompt you to take your sexual relationship off the back burner: when you think your sexual desire is a problem, or when your spouse is unhappy sexually.

Your low desire affects you and your spouse. If you think there's a problem, there's a problem. If your spouse is unhappy, there's a problem.

It's easy to believe that decisions about sexuality are so personal they should be based strictly on your own feelings and needs. If you're not in the mood, you're not in the mood. Right?

Not exactly. There are many reasons to stretch yourself if you're the person with lower desire. The main one is that unsatisfying sexual relationships often cause alienation, infidelity, and divorce. In most relationships, the spouse with the lower desire sets the pace for the sexual relationship, controlling when and how it happens.

Am I saying you should have sex any time your spouse desires or that you should go through the motions just to keep peace? No!

Many spouses with lower sex drives are essentially saying, "I know you're sexually unhappy. I won't do anything about that, but I still expect you to remain faithful." Can you see what's wrong with this picture?

When you decide to make sexuality more important, you and your spouse will become more emotionally connected. You will not only feel closer to your spouse, but you might also discover your sexual appetite hasn't really vanished; it was merely camouflaged!

Knowing why you're not so interested in sex won't boost your desire. Doing something about it will.
Here are some starters:

The Nike Solution. Consider adopting the old Nike slogan, "Just do it." Are you wondering, How will having sex when I'm not in the mood boost my desire?

Human sexuality experts once assumed all people experience sexual desire in a similar way: something triggers a sexy thought, which triggers an urge to act. Sexual stimulation then makes you feel aroused.

But recent studies show that for some people, sexual desire doesn't precede arousal; it actually follows it. Some people rarely (or never) find themselves fantasizing about sex, but when they become sexual with their spouses anyway, they become aroused. Once aroused, there's a desire to continue.

Just because one partner isn't hungering for sex doesn't mean he or she has a problem with arousal. Lots of people with low sexual desire actually enjoy sex once they get started.

Embers versus fireworks. Hormones don't have to be raging; you don't need an overwhelming feeling of passion. Many times, people with lower desire have sexual urges; they're just more subtle than their spouse's.

You might notice your husband looks great in his tight jeans and have a fleeting thought about sex. The thought may not linger, but it's there. Rather than allow these moments to go unnoticed, heed them and act on them.

Focus on the exceptions. Some people with low desire say they're more interested in making love under certain conditions—at certain times of the day, on weekends, after a bath or a good talk, on vacation, or when the kids are asleep. Identify what's different about the times you feel more inclined, and take advantage of those moments. If it's an option, create the opportunity. In other words, if hot baths turn you on, turn on the hot water.

Just say when. There will be times when you really don't feel like having sex. But instead of just saying no or "I'm too tired," which feels like a rejection to your spouse, offer an alternative. You could say, "I'm really exhausted right now, but if you're willing to wait until I catch a quick nap, I'd love to fool around then."

Give a gift. Less highly sexed spouses often assume that if they're not feeling sexual, there's nothing they can or should do to please their spouses. But you can show your love even if you're not in the mood by doing something that would please him or her sexually. Although I wouldn't recommend an exclusive diet of this, there's nothing wrong with just "taking care of" your spouse.

If you decide to give the gift of being sexual even when you don't feel like it, don't be resentful, or it really isn't a gift. This doesn't mean you have to fake breathless orgasms; it just means you should show some enthusiasm. It's good to occasionally push yourself a little to be a loving sexual partner.

Tips for the high-desire spouse

If you want sex more often than your spouse, you probably feel frustrated and powerless. But more than anything else, you've been feeling rejected, hurt, and alone.

First, you need to understand the real causes of low sexual desire, because your favorite theories are probably destructive and inaccurate. You might think your spouse's lack of affection represents a lack of love. But that's not necessarily true. In fact, your spouse may love you completely and yet still not desire sex. Or you might believe your spouse is avoiding intimacy out of mean-spiritedness or vindictiveness. And that's often a false assumption. Your spouse isn't trying to hurt you on purpose. When you truly take this to heart, it will take the sting out of your reactions to your mate.

Even if your spouse's low desire is due to low testosterone or a rotten childhood—conditions that have absolutely nothing to do with you—your approach to this sensitive subject can make a big difference.

Start with yourself. Consider what it would be like to rarely desire another person sexually. What would it be like to know millions of people are easily turned on, but you feel deader than a doorknob? And what if your spouse, the person you love most, had no understanding of what you're going through? What if she kept telling you about her unhappiness in the marriage, that you're a sexual disappointment? How would you feel?

While you're unhappy about the difference in your sexual appetites, you're not alone; your spouse isn't having a picnic either. Given the choice, your spouse wouldn't opt for this chasm between you. Even if your spouse appears uncaring about your feelings, he's hurting too. It's no fun knowing you've fallen short in the eyes of a person you love.

Perhaps your spouse's lack of desire stems from marital stress or discord. If so, be willing to acknowledge your contribution to the problem and to change yourself. A more loving marriage may be the only aphrodisiac your relationship needs.

Strike while the iron is hot. Testosterone levels rise and fall at different times, and there may be times when your spouse is more receptive. In many men, testosterone surges in the early morning, around 7 or 8 A.M. If you're a woman whose husband isn't as interested as you'd like, even if you're not quite in the mood early in the morning, you might give yourself an extra push to see if your husband is "up" yet.

If you're a man, you should know your wife's hormones spike too. It may be later in the evening, in the middle of her menstrual cycle, or closer to the end of the month. Ask your wife to see if she notices certain times when she feels slightly sexier than other times.

Talk about you. Rather than criticize your spouse's character or actions, talk about how you are feeling. Instead of saying, "You're just saying no to punish me," say, "While I know you aren't trying to hurt me, when we make love so infrequently, I feel as if you're not attracted to me or that you don't love me." When you share your feelings rather than accuse, you're more likely to be met with compassion rather than defensiveness.

Be willing to help. Express your willingness to change or approach your sexual relationship differently if it will help. Ask, "Is there something I could do differently that would make you feel more turned on or more interested in me physically?"

Help your spouse feel ready. Do you ever feel that your spouse won't make love until a long list of prerequisites have been met? Have you been frustrated by trying to meet your spouse's requests in the past, only to get rebuffed?

If you frequently dismiss your spouse's "wish list" of mood-enhancing needs, your spouse will feel misunderstood and disregarded. Try to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Do what your spouse asks, even if you're not positive it will make a difference. That's part of the gift you can give.

Try a little acceptance. If still nothing works, you can decide to continue being miserable, resenting your spouse, continuing to fight, and remaining distant. Or you can decide to accept what isn't changeable about your marriage. If your marriage is basically good other than your sexual relationship, you can tell yourself, I love my spouse. While I wish things were different, I'm going to accept my mate the way she is. I won't take her lack of desire personally. From now on, I won't make sex an issue between us. I'll focus on the strengths in our marriage and work hard at letting go of the rest.

Hard to do? You bet. Marriages are never perfect; even the great ones have their shortcomings. Find other ways to build closeness and connection. Attend a marriage conference or seminar. Meet with a marriage or family counselor. And above all, pray about it, asking God to help both of you change, if necessary, to renew the spark in your sexual intimacy.

No matter how distant you and your spouse may feel, it's never too late to have a loving, intimate, mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Never.

10 Pregnancy Myths

Once you've spread the news that you're pregnant, don't be surprised if family, friends and even strangers start giving you homespun advice.

The truth is, pregnancy is rife with Old Wives' tales that have been passed from generation to generation.

Here are some of the most common myths which, while entertaining, are not at all true.

* The Spicy Food Fraud
Spicy food will bring on labor. "For the most part, pregnant women can eat just about anything, but there are certain foods that we tell them to look out for, or to try and avoid, Those include very soft cheeses, unpasteurized cheeses and raw-milk cheese. Though rare, they may contain a bacteria called lysteria that has been associated with miscarriage or pre-term labor.
* The Fetal Heart Rate Fallacy
If your baby's heart is low, you're carrying a boy. If it's high, it's a girl.
* The You-Can't-Be-Too Careful Yarn
If a pregnant woman raises her hands above her head, she'll choke her baby.
* The Steamy Sex Superstition
Making mad, passionate love will induce labor. "Sex is not going to cause you to go into labor, but we tell people to go ahead anyway, It's worth trying.
* The Old Heartburn Harangue
If a pregnant woman has frequent heartburn, her baby will have a full head of hair.
* The Sty-in-the-Eye-Lie
Those who deny a pregnant woman the food she craves will get a sty in their eye.
* The Ugly Stick Trick
If a pregnant woman sees something ugly or horrible, her baby will be ugly. "That one's wrong on two counts — one is there's no scientific evidence, but number two is that there's no such thing as an ugly baby.
*The Old Java Jive
A baby born with light brown birthmarks (known as cafe au lait spots), the mother drank too much coffee or had unfulfilled cravings during her pregnancy. Again, a myth!
*The Gender Bender
If a pregnant woman's face breaks out, she is carrying a girl who will steal all of her mother's beauty. The thing about it is that it's so chauvinistic — why is it that a girl's going to steal her mother's beauty? — anyway, it's not true, it's ridiculous.
* The Poor Complexion Connection
A woman who carries wide, is having a girl. A woman who carried forward, is having a boy. "It's a common myth, but it's not true.

During pregnancy, the best strategy is to "take advice from friends with a grain of salt,who adds, but when it comes to the advice from your doctor you should really listen up."

The Reality Of Married Life

Be careful and discreet; it is much easier to get married than unmarried. If you have the right mate, it's heavenly; but if not, you live in a twenty-four-hour daily hell that clings constantly to you, it can be one of the bitterest things in life. Life is indeed strange. Somehow, when you find the right one, you know it in your heart. It is not just an infatuation of the moment. But the powerful urges of sex drive a young person headlong into blind acts and one cannot trust his feelings too much.Love is much more than sex though; it is the biological foundation between a man and a woman; love and sex get all inter-twined and mixed up".

Problems

Almost everyday, we hear people complaining about their marriages. Very seldom do we hear stories about a happy marriage. Young people reading romantic novels and seeing romantic films often conclude that marriage is a bed of roses. Unfortunately, marriage is not as sweet as one thinks. Marriage and problems are interrelated and' people must remember that when they are getting married, they will have to face problems and responsibilities that they had never expected or experienced hitherto.

People often think that it is a duty to get married and that marriage is a very important event in their lives. However, in order to ensure a successful marriage, a couple has to harmonize their lives by minimizing whatever differences they may have between them. Marital problems prompted a cynic to say that there can only be a peaceful married life if the marriage is between a blind wife and a deaf husband, for the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and a deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of his wife.

Sharing and Trust

One of the major causes of marital problems is suspicion and mistrust. Marriage is a blessing but many people make it a curse due to lack of understanding.

Both husband and wife should show implicit trust for one another and try not to have secrets between them. Secrets create suspicion, suspicion leads to jealously, jealousy generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation, suicide or even murder.

If a couple can share pain and pleasure in their day-to-day life, they can console each other and minimize their grievances. Thus, the wife or husband should not expect to experience only pleasure. There will be a lot of painful, miserable experiences that they will have to face. They must have the strong willpower to reduce their burdens and misunderstandings. Discussing mutual problems will give them confidence to live together with better understanding.

Man and woman need the comfort of each other when facing problems and difficulties. The feelings of insecurity and unrest will disappear and life will be more meaningful, happy and interesting if there is someone who is willing to share another's burden.

Blinded by Emotions

When two people are in love, they tend to show only the best aspects of their nature and character to each other in order to project a good impression of themselves. Love is said to be blind and hence people in love tend to become completely oblivious of the darker side of each other's natures.

In practice, each will try to highlight his or her sterling qualities to the other; and being so engrossed in love, they tend to accept each other at "face value" only. Each lover will not disclose the darker side of his or her nature for fear of losing the other. Any personal shortcomings are discreetly swept under the carpet, so to speak, so as not to jeopardize their chances of winning each other. People in love also tend to ignore their partner's faults thinking that they will be able to correct them after marriage, or that they can live with these faults, that "love will conquer all".

However, after marriage, as the initial romantic mood wears off, the true nature of each other's character will be revealed. Then, much to the disappointment of both parties, the proverbial veil that had so far been concealing the innermost feelings of each partner is removed to expose the true nature of both partners. It is then that disillusion sets in.

Material Needs

Love by itself does not subsist on fresh air and sunshine alone. The present world is a materialistic world and in order to meet your material needs, proper financing and budgeting is essential. Without it, no family can live comfortably. Such a situation aptly bears out the saying that "when poverty knocks at the door, love flies through the window". This does not mean that one must be rich to make a marriage work. However, if one has the bare necessities of life provided through a secure job and careful planning, many unnecessary anxieties can be removed from a marriage.

The discomfort of poverty can be averted if there is complete understanding between the couple. Both partners must understand the value of contentment. Both must treat all problems as "our problems" and share all the "ups" and "downs" in the true spirit of a long-standing life partnership.