Emotional Infidelity: Top 10 Signs of Emotional Infidelity

Emotional infidelity is the new fad on the internet and is appropriately titled cyber cheating.Many homes have one to two computers making it easy to carry on an emotional affair without the partner ever knowing. It's convenient, cheap and fun! A person can learn a lot about an internet stranger by communicating through a few emails, texts or chats, all without the embarrassment of meeting in person.

The sharing of personal information with strangers online is commonplace on the internet. Personal details are shared on chat boards, personal websites, blogs, message boards and porn sites. Emotional infidelity is an infidelity that occurs through emotions, feelings or thoughts, rather than physical in nature. With the increase in technology through the internet and cell phones, the traditional term of infidelity has become broader to include thoughts and/or feelings. Emotional infidelity can include anything from texting someone intimately via cell phone to emailing intimate correspondence, exchanging personal photos or viewing pornography.


According to an on-going poll of over 1,000 women conducted by http://www.WomanSavers.com, about 51 percent of women believed that viewing porn was emotional cheating. In a similar WomanSaver�s poll, 63 percent of all women felt that online affairs constituted infidelity. The main difference between physical infidelity and emotional infidelity is physical contact. Physical infidelity involves people meeting directly and then engaging in physical intimacy. Emotional infidelity can occur in distant locations with absolutely no physical contact occurring. The primary difference between traditional cheating and emotional infidelity is actual, physical contact. With emotional infidelity, there may be a meeting, but it can occur on a cell phone or a computer. Some people who emotionally cheat don�t consider the act to be a true form of infidelity because there is no physical contact. Others see no difference between physical and emotional infidelity because emotional infidelity has the same basic behavioral actions as traditional infidelity.

When actor Brad Pitt became emotionally involved with Angelina Jolie on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith,it was only a matter of time before their emotional infidelity led to physical infidelity, resulting in a divorce between he and Jennifer Anniston. When a person cheats, they flirt and seduce another regardless of whether they are in physical contact or not. The problem results when the partner pays emotional or physical attention to someone other than their mate.

In another poll conducted by http://www.WomanSavers.com, over 70 percent of all women felt that emotional affairs could lead to physical affairs. An emotional affair can begin quite innocently and as time passes the information two people exchange becomes more intimate. As the trust factor increases, so does the curiosity, which many times ends up in a physical meeting.

When a person is not getting their emotional needs met in a relationship, they seek it from someone who will give it to them. All people want to be loved, acknowledged, validated and needed. Humans want to be desired. If those needs aren't getting met through their partner, they go online and find someone who meets their needs and begin cyber cheating. There are plenty of strangers online who will fulfill those needs, especially if deceit is involved. Many people lie to the online strangers in order to get the attention they think they deserve. The person may tell the stranger how mean and distant their partner is so the stranger feels pity for them. Many married people tell online strangers they are separated or divorcing when this is far from the truth.

With the ease of meeting new people through the internet and through various communication devices, the number of people engaged in emotional infidelity and cyber cheating will increase. However, it is important for the parties engaging in the communications to consider the consequences and pain these acts may have on their partner. A good way to determine what is and what is not acceptable is to ask yourself if you would be okay with your partner engaging in the same type of behavior with another. If the answer is no, then you should definitely back off because emotional infidelity can hurt just as deeply as physical unfaithfulness.

The following behavioral signs are the top 10 signs of emotional infidelity. If any of these ring a bell in regards to your relationship, perhaps you are not as close to your partner as you should be.

1. You have little or no sex. Partner is always too busy or tired.
2. You have petty arguments.
3. You feel like you don't have anything in common any more.
4. One of you is no longer attracted to the other.
5. Partner spends unusually long periods of time on cell phone or computer.
6. Partner suddenly becomes hypercritical about your appearance.
7. Partner becomes secretive or defensive when questioned about their behavior.
8. Partner loses interest in relationship or family activities.
9. Partner stays on computer very late at night after you have retired.
10. Partner secures their computer in a locked area or with passwords you don't have access to.

If your relationship shows any of the above signs, it may be time to communicate with your partner to try to reconnect. If you dont, this supposed casual friendship can quickly turn from cyber cheating into something more.

Talk to your partner and tell them what you need and want. Don't be afraid to express your true feelings, including your insecurities and concerns. A loving mate will be understanding of your feelings and work through it with you. Tell your partner that you miss them and you need their devotion and attention. This will help reopen the communication channels.

Written by Stephany Alexander, http://www.womansavers.com ©

Unhappy Marriage Reflects Spouse's Depression

One Spouse's Mental Health Problems Can Cause Unhappy Marriage for Both

When one spouse suffers from depression, both will have an unhappy marriage, new research shows.

There is a growing body of research indicating that mental health and unhappy marriages are closely entwined, writes lead researcher Mark A. Whisman, PhD, with the University of Colorado at Boulder. His paper appears in the October issue of the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology.

Being in a relationship with someone with mental health problems may lower the satisfaction for the partner, he writes. The burden of living with someone who has mental health problems takes a toll.

However, few researchers have investigated the effects of both partners' mental health on the relationship


Depression, Unhappy Marriage Linked
For their study, Whisman and his colleagues recruited 774 married couples from seven states. Each partner was tested for depression, anxiety, and whether they had a happy or unhappy marriage.

Researchers found that each spouse's level of anxiety and depression predicted an unhappy marriage for the depressed spouse and the other spouse as well.

The more anxious and/or depressed either spouse was, the more dissatisfied he or she was with the marriage. Depression -- more than anxiety -- affected whether a person considered themselves to be in a happy or unhappy marriage. The researchers found that there were no differences between the sexes in the magnitude of the effects.

A spouse's level of depression also predicted martial satisfaction, and other studies have shown a similar pattern.

There's a possible flaw in this study: If a spouse was depressed when completing questionnaires about his or her unhappy marriage, it might have affected how he or she responded.

Top 7 Ways an Unhappy Marriage Can Ruin Your Health

Just as a happy marriage can keep you healthy, an unhappy, stressful relationship can shorten your life. Here are some of the ways that discord in a marriage can make you ill.

1. Changes in Systems
Unhappy married folks, especially women, experience changes in their endocrine and immune systems.

2. Hormones
You may have elevated levels of epinephrine and cortisol hormones.

3. Blood Pressure
Stressed individuals often show increases in blood pressure readings.

4. Pain
Folks in unhappy relationships could have a greater experience of pain.

5. Gum Disease
People are prone to more gum disease and cavities when facing marital problems.

6. Ulcers
You may suffer from ulcers in the stomach and intestine.

7. Influenza and Common Cold
Lack of harmony in marriage can cause couples to have a higher incidence of influenza and the common cold.

Saving Your Marriage

You Can Fix Your Broken Marriage!

It can be difficult to try and resurrect a troubled marriage, but there are things you can do to reconnect with your spouse and fan the flames of lost love.

The key to solving most marriage problems is to bring the issues to the forefront and utilize creative strategies to breakdown the barriers of conflict. Once the conflict is resolved you can focus on falling in love with your partner again - this time for good.


Quick Tips for Saving Your Marriage

Accepting the Facts
The first step in climbing out of your marriage problems is to admit that they exist. You must confront the fact that things have changed between you are your spouse while making a resolution to fix them. Hiding from the issues or hoping that they will go away will not solve anything. Accept the situation for what it is and prepare yourself for the challenge that lies ahead.

Identify the Issues
Of course it is hard to solve a problem you can't see, and this is why you have to be able to describe the precise conflicts within your marriage. If you only know that your spouse has changed in the way they communicate with you then you do not have enough information to fix the issue. Find out why these changes have occurred. The best way to do this is to begin conversation and offer plenty of opportunities for them to "open up". Keep you ears open for any subtle hints they may divulge.

Persistence is Vital
There are plenty of obstacles for you to succumb to while trying to fix your relationship. Your spouse may be difficult to communicate with or you might be facing outside pressures from family and work that prevent you from focusing on your goals. Even if these barriers apply to you, the only way you will succeed in your mission is by being persistent. It is easy to give up the first time things don't go your way, but just because one approach fails doesn't mean that something else won't work.

Learn to Reconnect
Saving marriage isn't all about solving problems, it also involves reigniting the passion and love you had for each other in the past. You can try to fan the flames of love by surprising your partner with special surprises or dates. Think of the most romantic times you had together and recreate them with while adding a unique approach. The goal is to grab their attention and simplifying your relationship down to natural attraction. If you can heat up the passion then the other problems will quickly be overlooked.

Seek the Right Advice
No one expects you to know everything about marriage counseling, and with all of the resources available you shouldn't have to. The one thing you should be leery of though is the advice you get from family and friends. It is only polite to listen to what these people have to say, but you should ultimately look for expert advice from books or counseling sessions before making any important decisions. You can save your marriage, but you can also ruin it by following bad advice.

Tips To Prevent Your Marriage From Being Destroyed By Financial Stress

Couples often marry before discussing the very important subject of finances, which is often at the very forefront of marital problems. When each partner has different views on finances, this can lead to a breakdown of communications, arguments, even separation.

Here are some tips to help prevent your marriage from being destroyed by financial stress:

1.BE OPEN WITH EACH OTHER
2.DISCUSS BANK AND CREDIT CARD ACCOUNTS
3.DECIDE WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT
4.ANALYZE EARNINGS AND BUDGETING
5.DO NOT UNDERMINE YOUR PARTNER

Who Has Affairs? Why Do People Have Affairs?

Who Has Affairs?

We tend to think that only bad people have affairs or only people in bad relationships. But no one is immune from an affair.

Monogamy is something most people say they believe in and want for themselves. Every survey ever done on this question shows a high percentage of people think monogamy is important to marriage and that affairs are wrong.

But a belief in monogamy as an ideal doesn't prevent large numbers of people from having extramarital affairs. Most people don't intend to have an affair and most people don't think it will happen to them�but it does.
Bottom Line: No one is immune from having affairs disrupt their lives or the lives of those they care about; they happen to all kinds of people, in all walks of life.

Why Do People Have Affairs?

The first question most people ask when they learn of their partner's affair is, "Why?" And the answers they come up with are usually based on personal blame. They blame themselves, their partner, their relationship, or the third party. They see it strictly as a personal problem, a personal failure of the people involved. This is a very simple explanation for a very complex question.

Usually there are three different kinds of forces that are working together:

Forces within the individual that pull them toward affairs
Forces within the individual that push them toward affairs
Societal factors

Forces within the individual that pull them toward affairs:

Attraction: sex, companionship, admiration, power
Novelty
Excitement, risk, or challenge
Curiosity
Enhanced self-image
Falling in love

Forces within the individual that push them toward affairs:

Desire to escape or find relief from a painful relationship
Boredom
Desire to fill gaps in an existing relationship
Desire to punish one's partner
Need to prove one's attractiveness or worth
Desire for attention

Societal factors

Affairs are glamorized in movies, soap operas, romance novels, and TV shows of all kinds. Public disclosure of public figures having affairs is headline news because we are fascinated and titillated by hearing of others' affairs.

People are bombarded with images of women as sex objects in advertising and marketing campaigns. Over and over, the message to men is that the good life includes a parade of sexy women in their lives. Women inadvertently buy into this image and strive to achieve it.

The lack of good sex education and the existence of sexual taboos combine to make it difficult for most partners to talk honestly about sex.

As teenagers we get conditioned in deception when it comes to sex�engaging in sexual activity while hiding it from our parents.

The code of secrecy is a major factor in affairs because it provides protection for the person having affairs and leads them to believe they won't get caught.

Bottom Line: There is no ONE single reason a person has an affair. There are usually many reasons, including some of the forces that pull them toward affairs and some of the forces that push them toward affairs, combined with the influence of the general factors in society that contribute to affairs.

Myths and Fact about Extramarital Affairs

Myth: Affairs happen in unhappy or unloving marriages.

Fact: Affairs can happen in good marriages. Affairs are less about love and more about sliding across boundaries.

Myth: Affairs occur mostly because of sexual attraction.

Fact: The lure of an affair is how the unfaithful partner is mirrored back through the adoring eyes of the new love. Another appeal is that individuals experience new roles and opportunities for growth in new relationships.

Myth: A cheating spouse almost always leaves clues, so a naïve spouse must be burying his or her head in the sand.

Fact: The majority of affairs are never detected. Some individuals can successfully compartmentalize their lives or are such brilliant liars that their partner never finds out.

Myth: A person having an affair shows less interest in sex at home.

Fact: The enticement of an affair can increase passion at home and make sex even more interesting.

Myth: The person having an affair isn’t “getting enough” at home.

Fact: The truth is that the unfaithful partner may not be giving enough. In fact, the spouse who gives too little is at a greater risk than the spouse who gives too much because he or she is less invested.

Myth: A straying partner finds fault with everything you do.

Fact: He or she may in fact become Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful in order to escape detection. Most likely, he or she will be alternately critical and devoted.

Surprisingly the infidelity we must contend with in this day and age is of a new sort, and as long as we believe affairs are about a 3rd party being sexier or prettier or nicer than the spouse, we are not only vulnerable to affairs, we have potential to further injure devastated friends or family members dealing with this horrific blow to their marriage.

Affairs require secrecy, deception and lies in order to thrive. By playing a part in ending the “code of silence” we believe we can play a part in diminishing the growth of extramarital affairs in our society, and the pain experienced by those on all ends of affairs including the innocent children.

We want to inspire people. If an affair has taken place, you cannot go back and undo it. As Solomon said, “It is water under the bridge … what is wronged cannot be righted.”

So what of your future if you’ve once been betrayed? Will you allow the pain to destroy you? Will it crush you forever? Will the rest of your life be inundated with bitterness?

Or are you going to rise up, fight for yourself, fight for your marriage - if you want to, and no matter what your spouse chooses to do, heal yourself. Find meaning through all the pain, and allow it to be your catalyst to spur you on to a better, stronger, happier, and more fulfilled you. And if your spouse is willing to do the work, spur you on to a marriage beyond what you had imagined possible before.