Happy Couples: What It Takes to Be One

The sight of a couple sharing a joke and walking hand in hand, their faces lined with wrinkles, and their hair gray, begs the question: How did they remain a happy couple for so many years?

Three important ingredients of happy couples:

Happy Couples: Developing Healthy Habits

* Avoid blowouts.

"The first is to learn to talk without fighting about inevitable conflicts,"Making a concerted effort to see the other person’s perspective, and avoiding the blame game of "she said" or "he did," goes a long way.

When things appear to be hedging toward a blowout,Take a "time out." It’s a tactic calls “exiting out of destructive fighting.”

* Recall the positive.

As parents often ask a child stewing in the time-out corner what she could have done differently, Couples in conflict take time to consider what brought them together in the first place. Then, make room for those factors in your life again. “You’ve got to protect and preserve those positive connections -- the friendship, the fun,” These are aspects of marriage that happy couples keep intact.

* Look to the future.

While turning the clock back can help couples rekindle lost connections, Simultaneously look forward. “You’ve got to have a long-term vision of the future, shared dreams, and plans that represent a commitment to one another and your family.

Happy Couples: Addressing a Sexless Marriage

That future, according to most marriage experts, should include a healthy sex life. While sex isn’t everything to happy couples, sexual problems can lead to marital discord. That men and women tend to have different ideas about sex doesn’t help matters.

“Generally speaking, women tend to see sexuality as part of a larger construct. Men are exactly the opposite,” “Women have to be in the mood. Men have to be in the room.”

Many times, misunderstandings over these differences lead to a break down in a healthy sexual relationship within a marriage, even among happy couples. The result, is a sexless marriage.

* Adopt a business approach to improve sex.

Seeing things from a business-like perspective helps couples reframe their sexual relationship.‘If this were a business, would you let it flounder like this?

Presenting sex in this light makes problems, and solutions, more concrete for couples. “By likening it [marriage] to a business mode -- with shared goals and missions; responsibilities, assets, and liabilities; and frequent business meetings -- things shift,”

* Make honest assertions.

To salvage their sex lives, some couples need to dig deeper. “Often, sex wasn’t good in the first place. A big complaint for women is that foreplay is bad or nonexistent,”But this isn’t easy for anyone to admit.Some couples simply aren’t prepared to tell, or hear, the truth. “A lot of couples fall out of it.

Happy Couples: Learning Financial Savvy

The topic of family finances is another hot-button topic, even for happy couples.

* Delegate the task of budget balancer.

Experts observe that most happy couples recognize that handling household finances should remain a singular task.

* Start an emergency fund.

Couples should plan for financial emergencies. This helps diffuse any potential blowups, such as who will sacrifice personal spending money when urgent house repairs must be funded.