Crisis Can Strengthen or Rupture a Marriage
The true test of a marriage's strength comes through crisis: death, illness, unemployment or other personal disasters. During these difficult times a couple either learns to lean on each other, or they simply isolate and the fabric of the relationship comes unravelled. Why?
Many people were never adequately prepared to deal with adversity. When faced with a spouses disability, or the illness or loss of a child, they simply refuse to deal with reality and abandon the situation. Others play the blame game. If only you had, if you listened, and on and on, they
unload their grief and anger on each other.
How does a couple avoid the pitfalls inherent in such situations? First, avoid the temptation to cast blame. It is too easy when emotions are running high to lash out in anger. Try and recognize and validate your partner's feelings. Let each other know how much you need each other. Put off any sort of intensive talks until the situation has calmed down.
Don't isolate from your partner. Let each other know what you are feeling and why. There is no shame in expressing grief and hurt. Men are particularly good at trying to keep a stiff upper lip, and internalizing their emotions. They often need the reassurance that we don't think any less of them for crying or showing grief. This can be a very moving and profound moment in your marriage. Very often, a man, once he's been given permission to express his deepest feelings, will find himself much more open and loving in all other areas of his relationship with his wife.
If sudden unemployment is the issue, sit down and calmly discuss options and plans to weather the financial loss. Complaining about it or casting aspersions on your partner's abilities as a wage earner is cruel and counterproductive. Reassure him/her that something positive will come of
this, and you both will work through this together.
The marriage vows state for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. If your loved one is diagnosed with a chronic illness, it will place great stress on the marriage. Enormous sensitivity is called for in dealing with this issue
Use crisis situations to deepen and intensify the love you have for each other. Instead of avoiding or fighting the situation, go through it step by step, side by side. Your marriage will deepen and build layers of rich complexity as a result.
Self Analysis: Have you ever faced a truly difficult situation together? How did the both of you handle it?
Marriage is being there for the other in bad times as well as the good. Married love stands through thick and thin, no matter how hot the trials or how hard the test. Married love never loses hope. It's always there, always dependable, always ready with outstretched hands and open arms to take the other in--to love, to comfort, to hold, and to cherish. Marriage is learning to let the little things pass.
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2 comments:
The strength of marriage is not defined by the ups in the relationship. It's more of the hurdles that the couple was able to overcome. I definitely agree that communication coupled with understanding is the key to solve these marital problems.
It would be all the more helpful for couples to read marriage counseling books
at the early stage of their life together. Usually, newly weds read a marriage counseling book as a starter because to know what to expect about the possible difficulties they might encounter in the future and on the effective how ways to remedy it. Long time couples can also read this type of books to gain new insights about the different aspects of husband and wife relationship.
I have to agree with your post. It is all too easy to find reasons to get a divorce, but sometimes taking the easy way out shows that you are not committed in making things work. Thus, you failed as a spouse and you broke the vow that only death should do you and your partner part. Working on your marriage for the better, although more difficult and arduous, can lead to more enriching and gratifying experience.
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