Family Relationships...

We all have certain ideas of what roles and responsibilities a husband and wife should take in a marriage. These ideas are influenced by:
- Our parents
- Our culture
- Our race
- Our society

Traditionally, there are some basic roles that married men and women are expected to fulfill. But with the rapid changes that we are experiencing in the modern world, you and your spouse should clarify what you expect from each other and develop your own style of working together.

Role expectations

Q. What are some of your role expectations?copy this chart, compare and discuss your ideas with your partner

	Agree	Unsure	Disagree
The husband should be the primary provider
The husband is to provide leadership and make major decisions
The wife should supervise the children’s schoolwork
The wife should be the primary childcare giver
The wife’s career and career satisfaction is as important as the husband’s
The wife should stay at home after giving birth
The husband needs to help with the heavy duty as well as electrical work around the house
The husband should guide the family’s faith and values
The wife should arrange for all contacts with her in-laws and parents
Even if she is working, the husband should still give an allowance to his wife
The wife should be in charge of organizing religious functions, socials and parties
The husband should help with the household chores
If a maid is employed, the wife should be the one to supervise her
The wife should always respond to the husband’s request for sex
The husband and wife should consult one another before making important decisions and plans

Roles of a husband/ Roles of a wife:

In the past, family roles were devised to meet the conditions of hunting and agricultural societies. Men and women had specific tasks then, resulting in a clear separation between men’s work and women’s work. In general, the men did physical labor while the women tended to housekeeping chores.

Today, it is common to find both husband and wife working outside the home. They jointly contribute to the family income and are more likely to live in nuclear families.

Role sharing

This helps to strengthen the marital bond between you and your spouse. It is a concrete way of showing consideration, care and concern for each other.

What are the roles to be shared?

1. Income-earner role

Dual income households are common nowadays as the wife often has to earn a second income for the family to cope with the rising costs of living. Work is also a means for the women to reach her aspirations.

2. Childcare role

Men are just as capable as women when it comes to caring for children. Fathers who participate in the child’s upbringing develop a close and warm bond with the child. This participation also increases the father’s sense of usefulness and makes him feel good about himself. Most importantly, the child benefits most when both parents play active caring roles.

3. Domestic role

Having a home involves doing many household chores that are necessary to keep the home tidy. Just as their wives contribute to the income-earner role, husbands should be willing to contribute to the domestic role as well.

Some guidelines for shared responsibility:

- Priorities your duties and responsibilities based on your needs and capabilities. This helps you identify the really important matters in the family that require attention from you and your spouse.

- Determine who is available for the job. In many instances, getting the job done is more important than who does it.

- Where skills are important, the person with the best skills should perform the task.

- Practice a sense of fairness in job allocation and adopt a “give and take” attitude with your spouse when sharing responsibilities. Avoid overloading assignments, especially unpopular tasks, onto one person.

- Adopt a positive attitude towards conflicts between work and family life. Channel negative thinking and feelings into constructive problem-solving activities instead of blaming your partner or the work place.

- Encourage each other to practice time management so as to get through the day more efficiently.

- Improving each other’s awareness, interpersonal communication skills, problem-solving skills and other social skills can help to increase the effectiveness of shared responsibility.