Relate to In-laws....

Relating to your in-laws

Many couples often distance themselves from their parents as they begin their married lives together. This sudden change can cause tension and problems for all. That’s why you will need to continually put in effort to nurture a harmonious relationship with your in-laws.

Relating well to your in-laws is important because you will be spending a lot of time with them (if you are staying with them) or you will be visiting them regularly (if you are not staying with them). They will also be playing an important role in imparting values to your children.

With your in-laws playing such a prominent role in your married life, juggling the feelings of your spouse and your spouse’s family can be very delicate.

Tips on getting along with your in-laws:

- Make an effort to get to know more about your in-laws, their lifestyle, and what they consider to be acceptable behavior.

- Stay in contact by visiting or calling them regularly. Gifts and outings are simple ways of showing your love and care for them.

- Don’t make denigrating statements about your in-laws, such as “You are just like your mother, so stingy!”

- Agree with your spouse on the amount (and limit) of time and money you give to each other’s parents. Reassess your agreement from time to time as the needs and abilities of your parents/ parents-in-laws change with age and circumstances.

- Treat each other’s parents as fairly as possible.

- Find mutually acceptable ways for each other’s parents to have time with your children.

- Avoid making your spouse choose between his/her family and yourself.

Excluding in-laws from certain aspects of your life

Discuss with your spouse ways to preserve the privacy of your marriage while maintaining close ties with the extended family.

Address concerns like the following:
- When do you and your spouse have ‘couple time’ together?
- When do you spend time with the extended family?
- When do you involve your in-laws in decision-making?
- Where should you talk out your marital conflicts: in the privacy of your bedroom or in front of your in-laws?